Amar Bail

A plant of eternity

From where I see it

Posted by Haris Gulzar on November 26, 2010


But I was wrong. You win. You beat her, or probably she let you beat her. Probably she accepted defeat herself. Maybe you were too much for her, though I’m sure she gave you a tough fight. Two and a half years, long surgeries, all sorts of medicines, frequent visits to the hospital and staying admitted there at times, bearing all those pains that are easier to talk about but extremely difficult to feel, not eating anything that might have ignited you again, it isn’t easy you know. She was definitely very strong. You were almost asleep for good, but then you woke up, only to prove her strength was not enough…

But hey cancer, don’t you see the tears a father has in his eyes after losing his princess? Don’t you see how broken he feels? Don’t you see him bursting into tears all of a sudden? Don’t you see how shaken he is with what you have done? A father who, she used to tell me, loved her more than anyone else. She told me, if there was anyone to go to the extremes of doing something for her, it would be her father. Someone who could do whatever it took only to make his daughter smile. But you don’t see all of this do you? You just don’t know how terrible it is for a father to see his child lying dead in front of him. For you, it’s only your strength to prove isn’t it?

And you don’t even see the confusion on the face of a five year old boy who wakes up the next morning and doesn’t find his mother around him. Who doesn’t even know why isn’t he being sent to the school. Who doesn’t know who to call if he needs a feeder of milk, or wants to get cleaned after getting his pants wet. And you certainly don’t see the tears a three year old girl has in her eyes, not because her mother is not living anymore, but only because everyone around her is crying. This child wouldn’t even know what actually happened. She wouldn’t know where her mother went and if she’s ever coming back or not. You just don’t care do you?

And I’m sure you are least concerned with what a mother felt when she was told her daughter is no more. With what a brother and a sister felt when they came to know about the death of their eldest sibling, and no doubt, you’re least concerned with whatever each individual associated with her felt when the news of her death broke. You’re just concerned with winning aren’t you? You just know your strength. But is it what you call winning? Is this how you defeat people? If only you had feelings, I’m sure you’d be ashamed of yourself today.

You haven’t won Mr. Cancer, you might have shown your strength alright, but this isn’t a win. She might have been beaten, but this is not a victory for you. In fact, from where I’m seeing it, you’ve actually lost. I’m just so proud of my friend to have fought with you, and to have fought so well. You’ve lost Mr. Cancer, you’ve lost…


17 Responses to “From where I see it”

  1. anummunaf said

    thought fullll 🙂
    complete lost in it 🙂

  2. saman said

    xcellent blog haris!!!really heart touching..our friend was really a v strong lady who fought so well with this bloody cancer…but…anyways may GOD bless her kids n may her soul rest in peace …ameen

  3. Haris, yaar life is the most complicated complex thing one can ever imagine. I don’t know what to say you boi. I know you in grief after her lost but Remember boi “Never Blame Life”.

  4. razaidi said

    Can feel the pain bro… Really saddening! Her struggle to fight the dreaded disease is truly a testimony of her courage and bravery! I’m sure Allah has blessed her in the hereafter!

  5. *Speechless*

  6. @Anummunaf: Thank you

    @Saman: Ameen :'(. I keep on recalling that get together we had back in February. She was so full of life… 😦

    @Farhan: True. Life is complex no doubt. And its no use blaming life as well, because that’s what it is. We have to learn to live with it :-(. But that’s easier said than done isn’t it?

    @Raza: Insha-Allah she’s blessed. Do remember her in your prayers brother…

    @Salman: :-(. Welcome to Amar Bail

  7. After long i visited your blog and my first step on the road shattered me completely…. i can’t even say that i can feel your pain and the intensity of strokes that made you write such post for your friend but all i can say is….. “only expressions speak”

    Allah may rest her soul in peace in Janna’h…. Ameen…..

    MESSAGE for Angels:
    Kids don’t you ever cry or your mother’s strength that she possessed couldn’t build bridge for you to move ahead and shine.

  8. Farhan Shaheen said

    Haris boi, Life is hard and thats the way it is.

    Its easier dealing with it rather then saying. Trust me on this, got lot of experience. Just never consider yourself saying “khash that wouldn’t have happened”. bro can’t change past and remembering it just an extra pain.. I learnt to forget my past, as simple as that.

    and stop listening to those stupid sad songs.. infact stop listening to music at all for sometime, try watching some nice cool stuff, ok. watch BBC, discovery documentaries… study science_

    Stay Happy

  9. Farhan Shaheen said

    and for everyone else.. remember death before u insult poor, reject less powerful, consider someone inferior, enforce ur authority, steal rights and forget about eachother and their feelings and last for every pakistani, plz, plz and plz try not to be a moron.

    do remember death, that one day u will be gone and one should be afraid of death.


  10. Yasser said

    i can feel the pain. may Allah rest her soul in peace. Ameen.

  11. @CU: Long time, I hope you’re doing good IA. Well, she was a special friend, and it was really a shock losing her :-(. But I’m sure she is resting in Jannah IA. Ameen to your prayers.

    @Farhan: I can’t agree more with your words brother. Life has to end, death has to come. Its for us to accept this fact and prepare for the life hereafter. Thank you for such supporting words my friends. Do remember her and everyone else in your prayers.

    @Yasser: Ameen. Do remember her in your prayers

  12. […] From where I see it […]

  13. Ali Adnan said

    haris .. I dont know hwy id didnt comment on this before although I have read this post before … but I think I know why … because what I am feeling right now I am certain I felt it back then too … and the force of it left me motionless , speechless .. immobile … not even be able to give a reaction

    what I am felt ? .. well may be because we are actual friends who have hung out with each other countless times … and because of my strong ability to imagine and re-enact … while reading this .. it was like actually seeing you speak these words .. it was like a full audio-video movie .. I saw the sorrow the pain and heard it and ….. *sigh* … I dont know what to say next .. bcz I am just unable to . its an actual fact that I in my whole life have never been able to say or convey even a word of condolence to even my closest of relations and friends when they lose a dear one … and I hate this in-ability of mine 😦 …

    May Allah bless her and shower His unlimited blessings on her and give her a place in Jannat ul Firdaus and bless her children with happiness and success in both the worlds and take away all their griefs and sorrows Ameen

  14. @Ali: Just a few minutes back, I read the post I wrote about the get together I had with this friend, and then I read the comments from you all as well. Each comment had prayers in it for her, including yours. I also read comments from Saher herself (the friend whom the post was about), who personally told me after I wrote the post, that through my blog, many people have prayed for her health, and that now she will be fine Insha-Allah. I was wondering why all those prayers weren’t heard :'(. But I’m sure she is resting in Jannah Insha-Allah. May Allah bless her kids and may HE give sabr to her parents Insha-Allah.

    Thank you for your comment dost. Take care

  15. coffee84 said

    can feel the pain…..very sad
    and I was deeply moved by this story ….

  16. Asad Ali said


  17. H said

    Inillaha wa ina ilahi rajioon.
    You’ve left me in tears. Such a beautiful post.

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