Amar Bail

A plant of eternity

Archive for October, 2010

The two sides

Posted by Haris Gulzar on October 24, 2010

There are always the two sides to every action we do, or every decision we make. One is what our mind thinks should be done, and the other is what our heart asks us to do. The two paths our mind and heart wants us to choose may not always differ, but they may not always be the same either. More often than not, the paths differ when it is about another person related to you, when you want to save a relationship, when you want to trust and compromise, and when you want to explain your point or be explained by the other person…

We are humans. Mind vs Heart We make mistakes and we know that we cannot be perfect. Still, we expect others to be perfect, we expect perfect love, we expect perfect trust, perfect friendship, 100% possession and what not, and we demand for explanations if the other person doesn’t come up to our expectations. This behavior I think is natural, and this is where the two sides come into play. Expectations is what our heart has. Perfectness is what our heart desires, loving and being loved is to do with heart. Trusting a person involves the heart of the person who is putting his trust into another person. These concepts are all abstract and only understood by a heart. They probably don’t have anything logical in them. You might still trust someone even after being betrayed. You might still love someone even after being hurt. You might still care for someone even if you don’t get care in return. Seems absurd, but I’d say this is natural. Against this, your mind might think to take revenge, to hurt the person who hurt you, or to leave alone the person who doesn’t care for you. Our heart lives in a perfect world where there is nothing logical, whereas our mind puts logic in our decisions.

A few days back I wrote a post titled Explanations and got different comments on that post. Different point of views I must say, for those comments open to us the different ways of thinking people engage themselves in. One of the comments I got to that post said that people even lose their friendship and don’t listen and make stupid assumptions based on something told by someone else. I just can’t agree more to this comment, for the reason to this behavior, I think, is the conflict between heart and mind. Your heart doesn’t expect that person to do what you heard was done by the other person, but your mind wants to take revenge and puts those stupid assumptions before you. You want explanations from that person, something your mind desires, whereas the other person expects you to understand without any explanations, something that the heart desires.

My friend Ali Adnan wrote a post titled Perfect Trust in reply to my post. This post, I think sort of answers the points put forward by him. My friend says perfectness is not meant for this world, whereas I’d say, perfectness IS meant for this world, its just that this world itself has two sides to it, one where our mind lives, a world of logic that is, and one where our heart dwells, the world of perfectness…


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Posted by Haris Gulzar on October 14, 2010

I have always believed that trust is the basic component in a successful relationship. Where there is trust, there is understanding, and there is compromise. This trust takes away all chances of Explanations coming in at any point in time in a successful relationship. Obviously, this trust has to be practiced from both ends for the relationship to work out…

But is it practically possible to always trust and be trusted in return? There are times when a doubt in a person’s mind asks for some explanations. But does it mean that the trust is fading away? Or can this explanation be a means to strengthen the trust even more? I once read a quotation that went something like “Never explain, for those who understand don’t need it, and those who need it won’t understand anyway” by Elbert Hubbard. I sort of believed in this quotation. Why would you need to explain your point to someone you expect to understand things themselves? And if you don’t think they’ll understand, are they even important? If you expect them to understand you, they should be the one telling you that they know your point and you don’t need to explain it, and if it is you having to explain why you did whatever you did, you first need to think if the person you’re explaining your point to is even worth your explanation.

But now I think I have a changed perspective. Although I still don’t have any counter arguments for having understanding in a relationship, but I think there are times when a person should be given a second chance. A chance to explain his point and to prove himself innocent. Although, as I said above, having to prove your point and having to explain your situation puts a big dent in your existing relationship, but it can even prove to be a last resort to save a relationship. Not explaining and waiting for others to understand things themselves would probably put a bigger dent. Though one should try and avoid any situation where there are explanations required, but if need be, I think, one should not hesitate to put some trust back in the relationship and explain his/her point, for losing a relationship is a bigger loss than not having to explain…

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