Amar Bail

A plant of eternity

An Alternate to Love

Posted by Haris Gulzar on September 16, 2010

Love. One word, but it has several definitions. Each one of us defines love our own way. We see it differently, we react to it differently, but at the base of it, there is this common feeling of care and affection that stays the same for everyone. Love, in essence, is a feeling…

This is what I thought about love. 141I thought love is a concept that cannot be replaced by any material object. I thought love is abstract, but just like there are several ways this “concept” can be defined, there are several shapes this “concept” can take. Sadly enough, these different shapes of this “concept” are taking away the feel out of it, and making this “concept” a more material thing rather than an abstract thing. The common feeling of love is now being replaced by the uncommon material things of this world.

Feelings show themselves. Without being explicit in your action or words, you can show that you care, that you love. But then people thought they needed a token of appreciation, something physical that others could remember for long, something that could remind people someone loved and cared for them. They started giving gifts. Even though a gift was something material, but the feeling behind that gift was what actually mattered instead of the price tag behind that gift. But then people wanted to show they love “more” than others, or that they care “more” now than they did before. They started sending expensive gifts. The price tag started to represent the associated feelings.

Now that the “value” of the gift was becoming important, people started having a shift in priorities. People now wanted to work more so that they could earn more and give more to others, only to show they care. To work more, they needed more time that they ultimately had to extract from the time they used to give to their families. More money started flowing in to the household. 115 The wife has more to spend, and supposedly, she is happier than she was before. The children have more to spend and even they are happier. The family picnics and gatherings decreased because everyone got busy in the race to show they care. The family dramas that all members of the household waited eagerly for and watched together are no more watched together. Almost each member of the household has his/her own television to watch whatever he/she wants to. Housewives thought they needed to give a helping hand to their husbands and need to find jobs, so that their family could be happier. Maids were paid higher to “love” the kids even more. Although love was still there, but the shape of it was changing. The feeling behind it, the essence of love, was fading away…

I thought there was no alternate to love. I thought no feeling or no material thing could replace love. But I think I was wrong. Money has so easily become an alternate to love, that it is now considered if you don’t have money, you cannot really love or care. This material world has found an alternate to love…

13 Responses to “An Alternate to Love”

  1. Well Actual Love is something out of this world thing that can never ever be replaced by any material thing but hoplessly there are more to believe on material love rather actual LOVE which is unanimously a feeling that gives you sense to reflect the expressions as your beloved actually feeling though…..

    Love is as pure as Angel’s spirituality…. Love is something which makes you care free of material of every sort…… 🙂

  2. jia said

    very well said bhai….i thik its all pains of praise..every 1 wants to have more attention,more fame,more money,more wealth… such feelings do fade when a person wants only more,more and more 4rm his life,4rm others….do people start CARing so much because they dont believe in destiny..or thier feelings???

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  4. Sana said

    I thought Lust was the feeling that took over Love?

  5. anummunaf said

    gr8 words remarkable🙂

  6. Raheel said

    For long, I had believed that with changing times, true love is fading away from hearts. I think, I was wrong. So easy it is to put culpability of everything on ‘changing times’. I have recently identified, it’s we who resist the change.

    We can’t breathe in past; we have to conquer the world today, with today’s theorems and phenomenology. So, may be you are right, love has an alternative now.

  7. @CU: Love should be something that can never be replaced, but aren’t we ourselves replacing it with material things? Love should be pure but is it really?

    @Jia: I agree, we ourselves want more and more from our life and from others. We’ve given a totally different meaning to life, and to love😦

    @Sana: Lust is maybe a type of love, or maybe a reaction to it. And I guess a person can even have lust without feeling love, maybe?

    AnumMunaf: So you agree with the words?🙂

    @Raheel: Actually, one perspective is that love is fading away. One can either say it has changed shape (in material things) or it has faded away (the true pure spiritual love, as CU defines it above). And maybe with todays theorems and phenomenology, love has to have an alternative and there is no other way of expressing love today…

  8. nadia said

    “Money has so easily become an alternate to love, that it is now considered if you don’t have money, you cannot really love or care.”

    I think you can still love or care without the money, but you’d feel miserable about it. You can hug your kids and sing them to sleep, for example, but not being able to provide them with food and education … you know there’s love in your heart for them … but is love enough?

    Perhaps money isn’t an exact alternative to love. Maybe it just supports your love to an extent – to show that you care by giving the best you can.

  9. what is love..

    u’ll forget the alternative😉

  10. Ali Adnan said

    I wouldn’t say that money is “alternate” to love ..

    But sadly .. yes .. it does seem to be the only way to show/prove your love/affection … or the fact that you care

    We have replaced spending time with them .. with spending money on them …

    u know why ? .. because fits perfectly with our plans and desires of getting more and more money to get rich and satiate our endless materialistic desires of this mortal world .. this way we just need to spend as little time on them and we get more time to get more money … isnt that a neat system !!

    (sigh) .. who am I to blabber about it? .. after all .. I am part of this system !

  11. @Nadia: Thats well put Nadia. Actually, thats what money should do, it should support love. Thats the maximum we should allow it to do. But don’t you think money is actually becoming an alternative to love? I mean, I’d again talk about the examples I put in my post about the time families now spend together, about the maids taking over what mothers used to do etc… Money should be there only to support and to fulfill your necessities like food, health and education, and after that, I’m sure your love will be enough. Otherwise, there is no limit to defining love if we base it on money…

    @Farhan: Thats a nice share🙂

    @Ali Adnan: That’s what we’re going towards… A neat system, where everyone lives his/her own life, no one has time for others, and still everyone has love for others… That’d really be neat… And you’re right, we’re all part of the system😦, part of this neat system :-S

  12. tayebah hashmi said

    u are right……achingly true,
    but the thing is we always remember time spent wd family and loved ones,,,rather than money spent alone…essence is there is no substitute to luv but
    yesss,,people do judge our care by how expensive gift we brought last tym.
    life seems to b a barter system where love found no place to grow.:(

  13. tayebah hashmi said

    u are right……achingly true,
    but the thing is we always remember time spent wd family and loved ones,,,rather than money spent alone…essence is there is no substitute to luv but
    yesss,,people do judge our care by how expensive gift we brought last tym.
    life seems to b a barter system where love found no place to grow.:( thanku 4 telling us so sweetly such harsh fact

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