Amar Bail

A plant of eternity

Psychological Hideouts

Posted by Haris Gulzar on November 6, 2009

Since our childhood, we’ve needed someone to share our feelings with, to share our secrets with, to gossip with, to talk to, to just do anything we feel comfortable about doing and can’t do alone. For some people, that special person is their mother, for some it is their father, and for some it is their siblings. They would just come and share everything with their special person.

For children who just started going to school, they would come back home and say everything they faced to their special person, which mostly happens to be their mother, as she’s someone easily found at home. They would tell about what other students had for lunch, who they sat with in class today, what they studied in class etc. These are things these children really want out of them as soon as possible. They want someone to listen to them. They want someone to give them time. They want to be paid attention to. And this special person is the one who pays attention to them.

These children then grow older and make friends. Friends who not only sit together in class, but someone who they want to meet every day. Friends to enjoy their time with. To share things, the scope of which now has increased with time. The scope of their discussions now includes trusting each other with things only a few people know. They share their observations, their knowledge, and along with it, their secrets that they don’t want to stay only with themselves, but to be known by a few others as well. This is where the special person comes in for these grown ups. They find their psychological hideout in their special person.

A time comes when people share things with their parents as well as their friends. Their special person is not limited to one person, but a few of them. This is when the shift in special person is about to happen. You start sharing things more with your friends than with your parents. Its not that you don’t trust your parents anymore, but you naturally want to spend more time with your friends and want to share things with them. This I guess is natural. You spend more time away from home when you enter university, and the only time you spend at home is when you come for dinner and sleep.

But then, you experience things that you really want to share with people, but you don’t know who to share those things with. You have perfect and trust worthy friends who have been there for you whenever you have needed them to help you. You also have your parents who wait for you everyday to return from your university/work and they would most happily listen to what you have to say, but still you try finding someone else to share your feelings with. You have everyone to talk to, but still you feel as if you don’t have anyone to share things with. Your friends instantly feel that you’re not ok, and that there is something disturbing you, but you insist on being ok. Your parents try probing you about what’s wrong but you insist on everything being perfectly alright. What do you do in such a situation? Where do you find your psychological hideout in this case? Does it really happen at some point in time in your life?


9 Responses to “Psychological Hideouts”

  1. brocasarea said

    but usually i say almost everything to my close friend[best buddy!!]:)

  2. Samah said

    Yes it definitely happens to everyone at some point. Perhaps because of lack of spiritual contentment, even if we are not aware of it. Perhaps we are afraid of being misunderstood, or perhaps we want to search for the answers ourselves.

    Talking to Allah and supplication is the answer I guess.:) Because after that we won’t feel the ‘need’ to confide in someone.

  3. Very well written and analyzed….
    In everyone’s life this is obvious to happen when he really look out for the one with whom he could share things and long talks…no doubt parents are always best friends but the time come when we try to look for best friend in others…
    and yes the last stage comes when there is no friend… not even parents, no best buddies…that time the only friend we have is Allah… only those realise that who could see through inside eye…who possess heart with eyes….
    The one and ever and utmost friend is Allah without any fear…who listens, speaks and give us solutions…
    yes he responds…

  4. nahl said

    Very interesting post!
    Love the way you write! 🙂

  5. umer toor said

    Never gave a thought to this fact that we all (almost) have Psychological Hideouts. Did you invent this term?

  6. @Brocasarea: Your usage of words “usually” and “almost” say a lot don’t they 🙂

    @Samah: I’d say, we always confide in Allah, even if we don’t want to, but we know that we do. I mean, at times thats the best we can do. What I was referring to in the post was feeling a need for someone to be with you, to feel some physical existence.

    @Captureuniverse: Thank you! Allah is always our friend. This goes without saying obviously, and we all know it as well. I get your point here, but again, the post was referring to the feeling that you have when you feel the need of some physical existence around you…

    @Nahl: Thanx a lot. Welcome to Amar Bail.

    @Umer Toor: Not sure if this is a fact or not. One of my friends used this term in some other context and somehow I related it with this 😛

  7. Sabahat said

    seems like you gave words to my thoughts 🙂

    and by the way, I’m going through this terrible phase these days! :/

  8. @Sabahat: I actually gave words to my own thinking :-). This phase really hurts. I hope you come out of it soon Insha-Allah… Best of luck to you. And welcome to Amar Bail. I hope you keep visiting and continue reading…

  9. Sabahat said

    Thanks 🙂

    Yep, I’m a big fan of writers so I’m compelled to continue visiting and reading 🙂

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