Amar Bail

A plant of eternity

Archive for October, 2009

Overconfidence about being confident

Posted by Haris Gulzar on October 30, 2009

How do you define confidence? And then, where do you draw the line between confidence and over confidence? Can a person feel over confident about ones own self. Can I misunderstand my own self? Can I be confident about something that actually makes me over confident about it? Defining confidence and overconfidence in general might be easy, but I find it extremely difficult to define it for ones own self…

Our lives are always busy. Almost always we have each minute of our time scheduled. We make plans, although bearing in mind that these plans are subject to change. Sometimes we change our plans ourselves, and sometimes the plans get changed because of things that are out of our control. One of the reasons we change our plans is when we take on new challenges, new assignments, new tasks that we THINK we can easily do, keeping in view our existing responsibilities. This is where confidence (or overconfidence?) comes in. Our thinking that we can do it, decides if we’re being confident or overconfident.

If I talk about myself, I do not plan long term. Although I do have plans for both short and long term but there is always room for improvement, and I guess I have a bit more room for changes than others probably have. . I don’t know if this is good or bad, but I tend to accept challenges as they come, rather than making up my mind well before about what things I’d work on and what things I won’t work on. And I have experienced, that however much burden and workload I take on myself, somehow or the other, the work gets done Alhamdulillah. This is to say that whenever I get an opportunity to take up a challenge or a new and exciting task, I try taking it up, without thinking if I’d even be able to do it or not. I don’t know if this is confidence or overconfidence. All I know is that I’d put in efforts to the best of my capabilities.

Most of the times, and this has especially been the case in my student life, I take up on several optional voluntary tasks, some of them requiring lots and lots of time, and end up running late on the compulsory tasks. This obviously results in waking up and working at nights and at times finding workarounds to the issues, not solving problems from their core. But as I said, everything gets done somehow. But should we actually be going for getting things done SOMEHOW, and at times compromising on the quality of work? Or should we try taking up less tasks and not push ourselves to the limits, and focus on and make the tasks result in perfection? Is it overconfidence to be confident about being able to do something?

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Impatience

Posted by Haris Gulzar on October 26, 2009

Since the start of this semester, I have had to travel through the public transport extensively. Four out of the six weekdays, I have a class at the other Campus of IBA for which I have to commute through the public buses. And then obviously I have to come back through the same mode of transport as well. This makes it eight trips a week, and at least six of these eight trips, I witness Impatience…

Our lives have become so busy and occupied that the tiniest of interruptions become so unbearable for us that we start using abusive words and even start folding our sleeves. Everyone seems so engaged with himself that he doesn’t even see if the other person that he’s talking to is an elderly person or a disabled person. Everyone is so confident to be right in whatever he is doing. Everyone is so assertive and convinced about his behavior and attitude that a small correction from someone pinches him hard. And above all, the social classes come in to action right when they shouldn’t. Money starts speaking right where it shouldn’t. Or is it me perceiving things this way?

I’d like to specifically point out to some of the incidents I witnessed myself. A student, seemed to be in his early twenties, climbed the bus and sat next to a very elderly person. While he was sitting, he mistakenly hit his elbow to the elderly who got irritated and asked him to be careful. The aged uncle definitely did not like it, although it wasn’t the fault of this young boy. But this young man, instead of apologizing because of being younger (that’s what I think he should have done), very rudely asked the elderly to mind his own business. The elderly complained of being hit by the elbow of this young man, and this student shouted back claiming to be innocent and asked the elderly to keep quiet, and started talking to himself (definitely negative about the aged uncle). Although he wasn’t at fault initially, but I’d say, he was not only at fault when he misbehaved later, but displayed ill manners and disrespect to the elderly.

Similarly, another student got himself scuffling with the conductor over student discount rates. The student probably didn’t show up the student card and when the conductor asked for the full conveyance charges, the student started using abusive words, something that have become an every day usage. To me it always seems that people are in search of a moment where they can get rid of their anger and throw it out on someone. Neither did the student that I just mentioned, nor did the conductor stop using abusive words, each of them feeling proud of hearing their families get ridiculed in public (sorry to have used these terms but that’s exactly what was happening out there :-(). Almost always there has to be a third party involvement to stop the fight. People seem so ready to fight with their hands if need be, although they are always equipped with all sorts of fighting words as well to give them a good start at the opponent :-(.

Buses usually stop at some main stops for more than 5 minutes to get some passengers and to fill up the vacant seats before they start again on their journey. This definitely irritates the passengers who’ve been sitting in for long. There is a whole collection of abusive words you get to hear if the bus keeps on standing at a stop for more than three or four minutes. This is almost an every day routine, and everyone knows that their efforts (if this really is an effort) wont bring any success, but still, probably just to satisfy the inner-selves and to have a feeling that they got themselves lighter by abusing someone (the bus driver this time), people do it. People bang in at the door and at the windows, hoping for the bus to start moving somehow.

More often than not, money gets to speak as well, and at times loudly too. You get to hear the statement “Do you even know who I am?”, or “Do you know who you’re talking to?” very often. These are attempts, although to no avail (almost always) to put the opponent on back foot, but doesn’t it really show where you’re coming from? Doesn’t it show your “real” background. And above all, saying this to a person who everyone knows is a bus conductor, who earns his bread working all day in this heat running from the ladies compartment to the gents compartment and vice versa, collecting travel fare tickets, doesn’t this statement just say everything about “who you are” and “who we’re talking to”.

What really has become of us? Why have we become so impatient. Or have we?

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Kids are kids

Posted by Haris Gulzar on October 19, 2009

I went to my relatives place this Sunday and was forced to play a game with the son of my cousin. His name is Hisan and he is just above six years old. Hisan forced me to sit with him and play this game, the name of which I have forgotten. Both of us had 5 lives initially, and had weapons before start of game. The weapons included a Star, A shield, Fire, and some Mini bombs. He was kind enough to give me the first turn.

I didn’t really know what to do, so I chose the shield. I was trying to be safe (I thought a shield was safe enough). But Hisan chose a shield as well, and we both died. Well, somehow, a shield for a shield kills both warriors :-). So I lost one life and Hisan lost one life. I then thought to ask Hisan to choose the weapon. I was trying to be smart again :-P. Hisan chose the shield this time again and I chose the star. I died again, and Hisan survived. Well, only Hisan got to explain the logic and decide who wins. His logic was that the light of my star fell on his shield and reflected back and hit me and killed me. I was 2 down…

I dont exactly remember but I think I chose the shield again. I was trying to be defensive. Hisan chose fire this time, and as was expected, I lost again. Well, my shield melt this time because it was made of plastic. His fire destroyed my shield. This smart kid learnt a lesson from the first time he lost his life, that whatever happens, just force the opponent die :-). I was 3 down now. Next he had his turn to choose the weapon and he chose the mini bombs. Before this, I didn’t even understand what this weapon was. The way he was pronouncing it only made the mini thing audible but the bomb part wasn’t. I chose Fire. I thought I should be aggressive as well. But obviously, I died again. Reason, Hisan had LOTS of mini bombs, and my fire only had limited life. Think of being a genius…

Some similar combination of weapons made me loose my 5th life as well. I don’t exactly remember the choice we both made this time, but his logic was accurate as always and he defeated me with reason. So he only lost 1 life, that too when he couldn’t probably come up with a good enough reason to only make me die, and I lost all of my 5 lives. But…

I won the game! I lost more lives so I won. My score was 5, and Hisan’s score was 1 :-P. And believe me, he didn’t have any answer to this logic :-P. He kept on explaining to me that the one who loses more lives cannot win, but he kept on agreeing that 5 is more than 1, so he finally agreed to allow me to lift the trophy :-P.

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He left us all alone

Posted by Haris Gulzar on October 16, 2009

My grandfather died. He left us all alone. I never thought this would be the first thing I’d write about after my exams. I couldn’t even see him for the last time :-(. The last time I saw him was when I had to leave for Karachi for the start of my semester. He was at the hospital waiting for his hip bone operation to start. I never imagined those would be the last visuals of him that I’d get.

He was over 90 Masha-Allah, but offered all prayers at mosque, or at least preferred offering all prayers at mosque, even if he wasn’t well. Even at this age, he walked quiet a lot. He would grab the hand of one of my cousins (he lived with my chacha) and would take him along for a long walk. Or if he wanted to go out for sometime, or if he felt exhausted sitting at home all the time, he would go and sit in the car indicating that he wants someone to come along and drive him somewhere. He kept himself fit. He decided about his diet and the times at which he’d eat. If he had a heavy breakfast, he would either not have lunch at all, or delay it. If he had something in the evening, he wouldn’t have dinner.

He loved Ice-creams. In fact, being more general, he loved sweets. The routine drives at around mid day almost always meant a cup for ice-cream. I also got a chance to take him for an ice-cream drive a couple of times when I was at my chacha’s place. It felt great when, probably for making sure I won’t leave him alone, he would hold my left hand that I used for changing gears. He would know it when we reached outside the shop where we bought ice-cream for him from. He would let go of your hand so that you can go and bring ice-cream for him. And while driving, if you try leaving his hand, he would hold it even more tightly, telling you he wont let you get away :-).

For the last couple of years, probably because of weakness or because of the age factor, he couldn’t speak. A couple of words that he spoke often were “Neeyat”, indicating that it was time for prayers, and “Nahin”, when he wanted to say no to something. Otherwise he would only nod his head. This summers when I was in Lahore, I once went to my chacha’s place where I loudly said Salam (in a specific way that was assumed to be the code between dada abba and me), and amazingly, dada abba replied in his same specific code tone saying WalaikumusSalam, although he said it in split words. Everyone was amazed at seeing him reply and trying to speak. I asked him “ki haal hai ji” (how are you) and he replied, again in broken words, “Alhamdulillah” (meaning I’m fine with the grace of Allah). This then became the talk of the day. Dada abba talked to Haris. I felt special :-). I asked him if he’d come to my place for a couple of days, but he didn’t say anything after that.

The Salam code that I had between dada abba and me was something very special. Since my childhood, I heard him say Salam in a very specific way. He would stretch a few syllables and would say others in a normal way, making the complete word Assalamualaikum a bit difficult to pronounce. Everyone would try answering him with WalaikumusSalam in that very tone and stretching of syllables etc. That’s when I also learned answering his specific Salam. I gained perfection at it, and then it used to be me and dada abba. Although my brother also used to reply with quiet perfection, but bhayya, if you’re reading, I can bet I was better :-). After dada abba found it increasingly difficult to speak, I would say Salam in that specific code, and he would smile.

Although not lately, but about 4 or 5 years back, dada abba used to give out Kharchi (pocket money) to all his grandchildren. He would actually give it to one person (the youngest of siblings) and that person would then distribute it amongst other of his siblings. Being the youngest of my siblings, I used to get the kharchi from him. We would anxiously wait for the start of the month, the time when we got our pockets refilled. As soon as it was the day, we would go to him thinking we’d remind him and ask him why he forgot our kharchi, but every time we asked him, he took out the exact amount of money and handed it over to us. He always remembered it before us and had the exact amount of change as well, so that it was always convenient for us.

I can’t forget my dadi’s voice when she talked to me after my dada died. I felt so alone. The worst part of living in a hostel and away from your family is that you are not near your near ones. I could only ask my family about the time of Janazah and the mosque where the janazah was offered, and the grave yard where he was laid to rest :-(. May Allah grant him the highest of places in Jannat. May Allah forgive him. May Allah be pleased with him. Ameen.

As one of my friends mentioned, we all have to return to our creator, its just a matter of time. May Allah guide us all to sirat-e-mustaqeem. May Allah give us the taufeeq to serve our parents and grandparents. Ameen. I’d request you all to please remember my dada in your prayers. Jazakallah!

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Muneeba turns 6 today

Posted by Haris Gulzar on October 10, 2009

Muneeba turns 6 today Masha-Allah. Although I am just too busy with my exams, but this post was due because of Muneeba. May allah give her a long and a helthy life Insha-Allah. Abdullah also had his birthday on the 7th of October. He turned 2 years old Masha-Allah.

I have two more exams to go, Need your prayers everyone. I hope I havent lost my readers because of staying out of touch with my blog :-(. Insha-Allah I’d be back, and with a lot of content as well :-). Take care!

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My blog is fabulous

Posted by Haris Gulzar on October 2, 2009

Nah, its not me saying this. My blog has been awarded fabulous by Captureuniverse and by Samah, for which I’m truly thankful. I don’t deserve this award, especially because It has only been a few months since I started blogging, and am still trying to improve my writing skills and to better the content and structure of whatever I write. Anyways, thank you once again CU and Samah, I hope I keep up with this award in future as well Insha-Allah.

Here is the award:

fab-award

Rules of the Award:

* List five current obsessions.

* Pass the award on to five more fabulous blogs.

* On your post of receiving this award, make sure you include the person that gave you the award and link it back to them.

* When you post your five winners, make sure you link them as well.

* Don’t forget to let your winners know they won an award from you by leaving a comment on their blog.

 

I’d really have to think hard for my 5 current obsessions because there isn’t much I’m doing these days, and what I’m doing isn’t really my obsession :-), but still, here under are my 5 current obsessions:

*Reading: It hasn’t been long since I started to like reading, and now I want to read all the time (except my course books, seriously).

*Writing: Same is the case with writing. I have only been writing for a few months now and am an amateur in this domain but the love I have for writing is unexplainable. I just want to write everything and express myself to the fullest, provided I have enough time…

*Collecting quotes: I have been collecting quotes and trying to memorize them since long, and I think this is the only obsession I have since I was a kid. And Insha-Allah I’ll start sharing my quotes collection with you all as well very soon.

Reading poetry: I hope this doesnt clash with my first obsession :-), or if it does, I’ll have to rename the first point to Reading Prose. Well, mostly I read Urdu poetry, in fact 99.87% of the times I read Urdu poetry (not that accurate but close to it), and very recently I have started reading English poetry as well.

*Eating: I think I should have mentioned it as my first obsession. as the quote goes that we should not live to eat, but instead eat to live, I totally disagree :-P. I live to eat. My desire for living will end if this one factor is taken out of my life 😀 (not really but to a large extent :-P). Not that I like to eat some special things, well I do, but even if it isn’t anything special, I make it special, hence for me everything that can be eaten is special.

 

Now, passing this blog on to five fabulous blogs is very difficult, because there are tons of excellent, wonderful, fabulous and outstanding blogs out there that deserve this award more than anyone else. Many of those blogs have already been awarded this (or a similar) award, but there are still many blogs that deserve this award even if it is awarded them twice. Im passing this award on to the following five blogs, without knowing if this award has already been awarded to them before or not. The five fabulous blogs are:

 

1) Writing for Life

2) Thoughts from Dubai

3) Umer Toor Blog

4) Intricate Zone

5) My Thoughts:). The author of this blog isn’t writing much these days but I hope she returns soon and returns with full force, because she can make good use of words. An excellent writer she is I must say.

 

Lastly, I’m really sorry for not staying in touch with the blogging world and for not being able to find enough time to write or read/comment on your blogs. I have been very busy with my studies. My exams are also near so I’d be needing your prayers. Lots of them!

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